It's late now and having not slept that soundly last night, I'll need to be sure to get some rest in tonight. All this to say that I'm back and hopefully a little more committed. I wouldn't call this a New Year's resolution - too late for that, but I'd like to attempt to record a little more of what's happening in my life.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
More than a year later
...I'm still writing but in a different place. I'm writing everyday at work or in the evenings sending emails to friends. In fact, I've been thinking about writing more often, which is why I've visited literate-lithe again after so long.
Monday, February 05, 2007
I've received confirmation of my internship after feeling a little afraid that it might not be real. I had not heard from my "supervisor" for several months and when I attempted to contact him by email and by phone, I wasn't getting a response. I did, however, finally make contact with my supervisor's supervisor and so am happy to have the Herald to still go to once I'm in Calgary. After much deliberation, I've decided to forgo my application to the Ogilvy and Mather internship program for the summer. It is in NYC and though it would be a great opportunity, it's financially impossible and it really doesn't work within the plan of what is to happen once Milly and I graduate. Milly would be unable to live alone (too expensive) in Calgary and so she'd have to forgo her career out west because of me.
I think I just need to trust God a little more about the future and about what will happen once my internship at the Herald is completed. Colleen and I will be doing some job hunting for me while I'm there too. Being a control Nazi is no easy thing to toss aside, let me tell you!
I had a job interview last week for a part-time Mac Production Artist. The job is about 20 minutes from where I live so the distance is great and the hours are fairly flexible. No more driving to TO for retail - wouldn't that be great. I hear tomorrow or Wednesday. Having the interview was good because it helped me to recognize my interest in this area of the journalism world. The writing - yah, it's OK. I could do it and I won't be too disappointed but I love sitting in front of the computer working in InDesign or Quark and doing layout. It satisfies the perfectionist and the organizational freak in me!
Work is going well and school is enjoyable. I'm reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass for a class and am liking it better than I first imagined I would. Children's Lit is not my cup of tea - I'd much rather read something that's a little deeper and a little more profound. That's not to say that Lewis is not as deep as they come - he is and I'm enjoying what I think is some social commentary - at least that's what all the experts say!
I've also just begun another of Spurgeon's sermons - Love's Logic and hope to complete that tonight. Bath Road Baptist Church in Kingston prints free copies of Spurgeon's sermons. It's a great ministry for me because they are manageable, rather than working my way through a book or even finding time to go to Sola Scriptura to buy a book.
It's been snowing so much lately and I love it outside. I was very worried earlier in the winter because we were experiencing record temperatures (warm) and we didn't have any snow for Christmas. It's blustery and cold today and it's snowing for possibly the tenth day in a row. I'm finding it difficult to continue to wait for Calgary to go snowboarding - at this snow fall rate, even Glen Eden would be a good place to go!
I'm not running as much as I'd like to be but am hoping to make this week a week of change. A strict diet has posed some challenges, particularly when there are squares make with condensed milk in the house, but it's helped my skin, my digestion, and my general well-being.
The roster has changed at school so right now I've got Mondays off - excellent for catching up on blogging, emails, reading and of course, some homework.
I think I just need to trust God a little more about the future and about what will happen once my internship at the Herald is completed. Colleen and I will be doing some job hunting for me while I'm there too. Being a control Nazi is no easy thing to toss aside, let me tell you!
I had a job interview last week for a part-time Mac Production Artist. The job is about 20 minutes from where I live so the distance is great and the hours are fairly flexible. No more driving to TO for retail - wouldn't that be great. I hear tomorrow or Wednesday. Having the interview was good because it helped me to recognize my interest in this area of the journalism world. The writing - yah, it's OK. I could do it and I won't be too disappointed but I love sitting in front of the computer working in InDesign or Quark and doing layout. It satisfies the perfectionist and the organizational freak in me!
Work is going well and school is enjoyable. I'm reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass for a class and am liking it better than I first imagined I would. Children's Lit is not my cup of tea - I'd much rather read something that's a little deeper and a little more profound. That's not to say that Lewis is not as deep as they come - he is and I'm enjoying what I think is some social commentary - at least that's what all the experts say!
I've also just begun another of Spurgeon's sermons - Love's Logic and hope to complete that tonight. Bath Road Baptist Church in Kingston prints free copies of Spurgeon's sermons. It's a great ministry for me because they are manageable, rather than working my way through a book or even finding time to go to Sola Scriptura to buy a book.
It's been snowing so much lately and I love it outside. I was very worried earlier in the winter because we were experiencing record temperatures (warm) and we didn't have any snow for Christmas. It's blustery and cold today and it's snowing for possibly the tenth day in a row. I'm finding it difficult to continue to wait for Calgary to go snowboarding - at this snow fall rate, even Glen Eden would be a good place to go!
I'm not running as much as I'd like to be but am hoping to make this week a week of change. A strict diet has posed some challenges, particularly when there are squares make with condensed milk in the house, but it's helped my skin, my digestion, and my general well-being.
The roster has changed at school so right now I've got Mondays off - excellent for catching up on blogging, emails, reading and of course, some homework.
Monday, January 01, 2007
New Year's Resolution - Content in Christ
It's January 1st and I've just returned from the New Year's Eve party at the Nickels. We had a lot of fun again this year - ping pong, lots of food, jokes about kegs and thinking of all the different ways to say you're drunk...
I really wanted to write a post at the end of December that was just a little bit of a glance back at the lessons of this year and a record of some of the memorable moments too.
One lesson I've had to learn most of this year is the lesson of when to "arouse or awaken love." I have wanted, for most of 2006, to find someone to spend my life with. I thought that, perhaps, I'd found that person earlier this year but K did not work out as planned - and I think that is the key word - planned. From the first moment, I decided that it was what I wanted and I really did not seek God's counsel or his will. The tricky thing was that K seemed to be someone God would want me to be with but I am very thankful that things did not work out. The first reason being that I realised that K was not interested in having a relationship or actually getting to know me - my interests or my personality. From the moment I met him, I should have recognized that we really didn't communicate well at all but I was too focused on just creating a relationship. What I learned is that I need to completely trust God to bring someone into my life at the proper time. I also recognized my need to be with someone who is bright and passionate. Some of the qualities I admired in K were his balanced view of most things and his patience. I think I learned that God will allow me to be physically attracted to the person that he wants me to spend my life with because though you do fall out of love (if you want to call that first stage "love"), I do realise that it is important to look at your husband and be contented with his looks and feel comfortable with the visage that will face you for many years.
C also brought some lessons - namely the importance of humility in the person you are dating and will possibly marry. I got along with him well but had trouble getting over his love of the world and appearances. I think he was just too concerned with getting and doing things he thought he should be getting and doing at his age. And, he seemed to have these ridiculous ideas about what fun is (pub hopping? please).
Yes, this year has been about defining the man I want to marry and in doing so, I've cried a lot, I've struggled in my singleness a lot and I've questioned God's plan for my life. I am a silly, silly creature and I know that God has combined these certain characteristics and qualities in me for a reason but I do wonder how I will ever meet someone who is Romantic, loves to read, loves the Lord with all of his heart, understands poetry, wants to discuss theology, fascinates me with his insatiable need to learn and grow, wants to travel, is seeking a best friend and sees me as that person, loves art and music and culture, knows what fork is for what course, has a good grasp of basic science, is patient and willing to put up with my silliness, is thrifty and wants to be responsible with money, is fairly orderly, likes dogs rather than cats, LOVES the outdoors and can envision family trips camping or exploring the world, wants to have a family (a small family), is socially aware and knows when to speak and when to hold his tongue, understands, even though I might never say it, that I need him to love me unconditionally and that though I might seem independent and able to conquer almost any challenge, I must be able to come home to my true love and my safehold.
I have been extremely busy these last couple of months and I have had moments of longing to be in the presence of God - longing to be home in my room, reading his word and learning from Him. I have learned again and again, the value of the bible and I hope that this year my eyes will be opened even more to its precious revelation. I would like to be more consistent in my prayer life this year with an emphasis on praying for African Enterprise, DGM, and TBC. I want the Lord to grow in me a deep love for my brothers at Trinity. I'd like to try and make it to prayer meeting if I'm not scheduled at work. I'd like to take the course on Hebrews at TBS. In one sentence, I want to offer myself as a living sacrifice to my Lord and I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Oh that I might find the strength in God to put off tempting thoughts of how I'd be happier if I was this or that or here or there. I want to be content in Christ. I want to be able to say that no matter where my life goes, where I am headed, I am happy in the Lord and his love and his pleasure are my only concerns.
Highlights this year: the most recent - Handel's Messiah in Toronto, Colorado, the Calgary placement, my last day at Glencairn, getting a job at Eddie Bauer (an answer to prayer), Emma's birth and subsequent life thus far, the growth of my friendship with Jen and with Clare, the growth of my friendship with the Nickels, Sophie's birth, the times I got to spend with mom and Milly, the odd movie/TV nights with dad, the infection on my face (it taught me that my skin wasn't that bad before and I shouldn't have worried about it so much) and my half-marathon in Toronto.
I hope this post does serve as a record of lessons learned and loved. Now all I have to do is decide if I'll renew my subscription to The Walrus and renew my membership with the Conservative Party!
I really wanted to write a post at the end of December that was just a little bit of a glance back at the lessons of this year and a record of some of the memorable moments too.
One lesson I've had to learn most of this year is the lesson of when to "arouse or awaken love." I have wanted, for most of 2006, to find someone to spend my life with. I thought that, perhaps, I'd found that person earlier this year but K did not work out as planned - and I think that is the key word - planned. From the first moment, I decided that it was what I wanted and I really did not seek God's counsel or his will. The tricky thing was that K seemed to be someone God would want me to be with but I am very thankful that things did not work out. The first reason being that I realised that K was not interested in having a relationship or actually getting to know me - my interests or my personality. From the moment I met him, I should have recognized that we really didn't communicate well at all but I was too focused on just creating a relationship. What I learned is that I need to completely trust God to bring someone into my life at the proper time. I also recognized my need to be with someone who is bright and passionate. Some of the qualities I admired in K were his balanced view of most things and his patience. I think I learned that God will allow me to be physically attracted to the person that he wants me to spend my life with because though you do fall out of love (if you want to call that first stage "love"), I do realise that it is important to look at your husband and be contented with his looks and feel comfortable with the visage that will face you for many years.
C also brought some lessons - namely the importance of humility in the person you are dating and will possibly marry. I got along with him well but had trouble getting over his love of the world and appearances. I think he was just too concerned with getting and doing things he thought he should be getting and doing at his age. And, he seemed to have these ridiculous ideas about what fun is (pub hopping? please).
Yes, this year has been about defining the man I want to marry and in doing so, I've cried a lot, I've struggled in my singleness a lot and I've questioned God's plan for my life. I am a silly, silly creature and I know that God has combined these certain characteristics and qualities in me for a reason but I do wonder how I will ever meet someone who is Romantic, loves to read, loves the Lord with all of his heart, understands poetry, wants to discuss theology, fascinates me with his insatiable need to learn and grow, wants to travel, is seeking a best friend and sees me as that person, loves art and music and culture, knows what fork is for what course, has a good grasp of basic science, is patient and willing to put up with my silliness, is thrifty and wants to be responsible with money, is fairly orderly, likes dogs rather than cats, LOVES the outdoors and can envision family trips camping or exploring the world, wants to have a family (a small family), is socially aware and knows when to speak and when to hold his tongue, understands, even though I might never say it, that I need him to love me unconditionally and that though I might seem independent and able to conquer almost any challenge, I must be able to come home to my true love and my safehold.
I have been extremely busy these last couple of months and I have had moments of longing to be in the presence of God - longing to be home in my room, reading his word and learning from Him. I have learned again and again, the value of the bible and I hope that this year my eyes will be opened even more to its precious revelation. I would like to be more consistent in my prayer life this year with an emphasis on praying for African Enterprise, DGM, and TBC. I want the Lord to grow in me a deep love for my brothers at Trinity. I'd like to try and make it to prayer meeting if I'm not scheduled at work. I'd like to take the course on Hebrews at TBS. In one sentence, I want to offer myself as a living sacrifice to my Lord and I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Oh that I might find the strength in God to put off tempting thoughts of how I'd be happier if I was this or that or here or there. I want to be content in Christ. I want to be able to say that no matter where my life goes, where I am headed, I am happy in the Lord and his love and his pleasure are my only concerns.
Highlights this year: the most recent - Handel's Messiah in Toronto, Colorado, the Calgary placement, my last day at Glencairn, getting a job at Eddie Bauer (an answer to prayer), Emma's birth and subsequent life thus far, the growth of my friendship with Jen and with Clare, the growth of my friendship with the Nickels, Sophie's birth, the times I got to spend with mom and Milly, the odd movie/TV nights with dad, the infection on my face (it taught me that my skin wasn't that bad before and I shouldn't have worried about it so much) and my half-marathon in Toronto.
I hope this post does serve as a record of lessons learned and loved. Now all I have to do is decide if I'll renew my subscription to The Walrus and renew my membership with the Conservative Party!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Lyrics to "When I Go Down"
I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods
I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works
When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them
If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found
I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works
Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly
You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth
When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods
I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works
When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them
If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found
I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works
Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly
You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth
When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Desiring God National Conference
Since this blog is an attempt (albeit a sad attempt) to document my life, I thought I should add a quick post about the Desiring God National Conference. In October, Mom, Milly and I went to Minneapolis to hear some amazingly intelligent men speak on Christ and our postmodern World. The content fed me in so many ways and I continue to be nourished from the things that were discussed. I made a decision that weekend - I would go to the national conference every year, if possible. The great thing is that I can continue to hear several of the speakers via their podcasts. John Piper, for instance, has a weekly podcast - his Sunday sermon - desiringgod.org.
Monday, December 04, 2006
An mp3 and a blog of note
I've been trying, for a couple of days now, to post an mp3 on the site but as yet, have had no luck. It's a great track called "When I Go Down" by Relient K. The reason I wanted to post it was to document what I've been feeling this last week or so. I've been conscious of how important my past decisions affected this present I'm now living and possibly, my future. Particularly, I'm talking about the dating decisions that I made. I am really saddened by the poor choices I made and I think that maybe my current singleness is due to my stupidity and general lack of trust in God. Then, as write this, I think even this train of thought is just one more attempt to control my own destiny. At the end of the day, don't I believe that God knows everything that will happen in my life and my past has been foreordained by him just as much as my future will be? Is an obsession with past mistakes really helpful when I'm looking to the future? It's not as if I can change anything - all I can do is repent my poor choices and thank God for opening my eyes to the fact that they were poor choices.
Last night, I did read a really encouraging blog - it's called Girl Talk (http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/) and it's a blog that is shared by a number of ladies in the Mahaney family (Carolyn Mahaney is wife to CJ who leads Sovereign Grace Ministries). One post I read answered the question of whether a girl should tell a guy that she is interested in him. That's always something I've struggled with because I'm the type of person who would rather just communicate my feelings that not. The sentence I liked best was something to the effect of: "Wouldn't you want a guy to like you enough that he's willing to talk to you about his feelings, or even get up the courage to talk to you at all without you having to encourage or entice him?" It's really true I think because doesn't that then set the precident for the rest of the relationship if you, the girl, end up pursuing the guy? I mean, from the get-go you've put yourself in a leadership/headship position and you're also trying to orchestrate things in not only your life, but in someone else's life too. So, it was a good thing for me to read because I do want to be with someone who has the courage to "court" me. I hate that word "courtship" because I think it's been beaten to death with the whole "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" movement (which does have it's truths and a degree of wisdom). So ya, the Girl Talk blog is interesting and I do like reading things from a Christian woman's point of view because I so often tend to read works by Christian males.
Last night, I did read a really encouraging blog - it's called Girl Talk (http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/) and it's a blog that is shared by a number of ladies in the Mahaney family (Carolyn Mahaney is wife to CJ who leads Sovereign Grace Ministries). One post I read answered the question of whether a girl should tell a guy that she is interested in him. That's always something I've struggled with because I'm the type of person who would rather just communicate my feelings that not. The sentence I liked best was something to the effect of: "Wouldn't you want a guy to like you enough that he's willing to talk to you about his feelings, or even get up the courage to talk to you at all without you having to encourage or entice him?" It's really true I think because doesn't that then set the precident for the rest of the relationship if you, the girl, end up pursuing the guy? I mean, from the get-go you've put yourself in a leadership/headship position and you're also trying to orchestrate things in not only your life, but in someone else's life too. So, it was a good thing for me to read because I do want to be with someone who has the courage to "court" me. I hate that word "courtship" because I think it's been beaten to death with the whole "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" movement (which does have it's truths and a degree of wisdom). So ya, the Girl Talk blog is interesting and I do like reading things from a Christian woman's point of view because I so often tend to read works by Christian males.
Monday, November 27, 2006
A Complaint and a List of Dreams
I'm sitting in Law and Ethics and I've concluded I'd better do something constructive and exercise my brain cells because this class is certainly not contributing to my mental health. My professor is droning on and on about copyright laws and it's so hard to listen when I think of all of the things I could be doing right now. If I could do anything, what would it be? I'd like to be at home in my room with a good book in one hand and a warm cup of tea in the other. I'd like to be 3/4 of the way up a mountain, looking up to the peak, excited about the challenge that lies ahead of me, happy to be physically exerting myself. I'd like to be running with Titus, watching the beauty of his form as he gallops ahead of me, his feet just grazing the ground, his nose, like an arrow, leading his body to hit the mark of its choosing. I'd like to be in the middle of a busy newsroom. I'd like to be standing on my snowboard at the top of a mountain. Drinking just-squeezed orange juice in Florida. Buying vegetables in Paris. Eating a mango. Meeting my future husband. Picking up the keys to my own apartment...
If this class is the worst thing I have to complain about right now (and it is), I'm sitting pretty. And I am. God has been so gracious to me. He plopped me into an new job, opened up an internship at the Calgary Herald 4 months ahead of schedule, and has, in a very general way, filled me with the joy of Christ. I'm really busy, all of the time, but I don't feel too overwhelmed and he has truly kept me from feeling desperately disorganized or hopelessly out of control. It's at this point that I really have to keep myself from sin, from feeling like this is all due to my own intelligence and I have to be careful not to grasp for control of things in my life that God has clearly told me must be left to him.
I'm reading a great commentary on Ephesians by MLJ and I'm committed to hunting down a beautiful copy of 'War and Peace.' I'm still spinning The Weepies on my ipod mixed in with a little Skillet and Alexisonfire.
Tonight, I head to Toronto to visit with Jen and we'll share some good vegetarian food from Fresh. Sweet potato fries, ummm.
I've posted some pictures below. The last two are of Titus and his blood, respectively and obviously. He's got kidney failure and is not expected to live too much longer though he has been in great spirits for about five days now. His bumps have grown considerably since his diagnosis.
If this class is the worst thing I have to complain about right now (and it is), I'm sitting pretty. And I am. God has been so gracious to me. He plopped me into an new job, opened up an internship at the Calgary Herald 4 months ahead of schedule, and has, in a very general way, filled me with the joy of Christ. I'm really busy, all of the time, but I don't feel too overwhelmed and he has truly kept me from feeling desperately disorganized or hopelessly out of control. It's at this point that I really have to keep myself from sin, from feeling like this is all due to my own intelligence and I have to be careful not to grasp for control of things in my life that God has clearly told me must be left to him.
I'm reading a great commentary on Ephesians by MLJ and I'm committed to hunting down a beautiful copy of 'War and Peace.' I'm still spinning The Weepies on my ipod mixed in with a little Skillet and Alexisonfire.
Tonight, I head to Toronto to visit with Jen and we'll share some good vegetarian food from Fresh. Sweet potato fries, ummm.
I've posted some pictures below. The last two are of Titus and his blood, respectively and obviously. He's got kidney failure and is not expected to live too much longer though he has been in great spirits for about five days now. His bumps have grown considerably since his diagnosis.
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